What's Wrong With A Little Shipping?
by Salnalus
Summary: Discord is bored. He's really bored. He needs some entertainment in his life. It was time for Discord to take up writing, and what better writing is there than stories that are true? There's really nothing wrong with a bit of romance between ponies, right? With Discord as the author, what could possibly go wrong?


"Well, this is utterly boring. I'm the embodiment of Chaos! I should be out wreaking _some_ form of havoc."

High up on the balcony of a tall tower sat a bored Discord, his head resting on his hands with his back hunched over the edge while his legs dangled out. Ever since the time he was reformed by Fluttershy, he has been using his powers for good.

Well, most of the time.

However, when he was unable to use it to do the many things he loved to do with his chaos because of his being reformed, it lead him to unleash a tiny bit of harmless magic out of habit. He could remember the fun little time he switched Celestia and Luna's manes and tails, or even the time he tricked Luna into getting drunk. One of his favorites was provoking Philomena into attacking at least five Royal Guards. Oh, fun times were had.

But this put Discord on the edge. Celestia couldn't stand to see him cause more of this. It was why she had Fluttershy reform him in the first place. He had to admit, he was getting a little out of hand with the practical jokes. But what else was he to do?

His eyes scanned over the land of Equestria, eyeing various landscapes and cities in the distance. He still laughed from the things that happened a thousand or so years ago, before he was encased in stone the first time. But things changed over time, so many of the things he saw were a bit new to him, just like Princess Luna after her return.

His ears perked up when he heard hoofsteps clopping on the floor behind him, approaching his form on the balcony. Discord turned his head slightly to see Princess Celestia appear as regal as ever.

"Good morning, Discord. Have you had a good sleep?" the alabaster alicorn asked with a sincere tone.

"Oh, it's just fine Princess," he answered in a dreary voice. "Just that I've been rather out of ideas for anything interesting to do here. And only because I can't do things like this without you getting mad at me..."

He snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. Celestia waited, but she didn't see anything. "Nothing happened."

He smirked deviously, anticipating the response he would hear in a few seconds. "Just you wait, Princess. You'll see in three, two, one..."

"DISCORD!" yelled Princess Luna from the other side of the castle in her Royal Canterlot Voice. It was then that Discord burst into laughter at the thought of what happened to the Night Princess. It wasn't until three more seconds later that she appeared into the room, glaring directly at the draconequus.

Princess Celestia was shocked to see what had happened. Princess Luna looked perfectly fine, but one thing stood out: she was now bald.

"Discord, I demand you replace my mane this instant, or you shall face my wrath the likes of which you've never seen!" As she yelled that, her horn glowed fiercely, which she tempted to point straight at Discord. He was too busy laughing to pay attention to a word Luna said, and even Celestia herself tried to suppress a giggle from the ridiculous look her younger sister was presenting.

Once he calmed down, Discord wiped a tear from his eye. "Oh Luna, I haven't done that trick in ages! I must admit, I had a good laugh from it, and I can see Tia was going to as well."

He raised an eyebrow at the elder alicorn, who blushed slightly from being caught. Luna was still glaring at him, intent on causing pain if he did not give her back her mane.

Celestia coughed to get Discord's attention, and gave him a stern look. "Seriously Discord, give her back her mane. You know Luna doesn't like it when you mess with her like that."

"Well, _excuse me_ for wanting to have a bit of harmless fun," he replied as he snapped his fingers. With a mystical glowing, Luna's ethereal mane reappeared, its beautiful representation of the night sky flowing without a care.

The midnight blue alicorn rolled her eyes as she walked away, opening the door with her magic. "Still as immature as ever. Now, if you two shall excuse me, I have something to return to."

With that, she exited the room, but slammed the door closed instead of delicately like Celestia expected. Discord crossed his arms at her attitude. "She can really be a sourpuss sometime. She needs to lighten up and get that stick out of her flank."

"Discord..." Celestia rubbed her temple with one of her hooves. "If anything, you must control yourself. Try to be nice. Show a little compassion and understanding. That's what Fluttershy did with you, didn't she?"

Discord had no argument against that. He hated to admit when Celestia was right, but she was. It wasn't until he realized being arrogant didn't earn him everything he wanted. He learned that from the kind yellow pegasus.

He sighed in defeat. "You're right, Celestia. I shouldn't have done that to your sister, and I'm truly sorry."

"It's alright, Discord. Perhaps you can talk to her later and make up? I'm sure she's willing to forgive you, though it might take some effort. Luna isn't exactly the one to take jokes lightly."

"You got that right." He snapped his fingers again, and a large couch appeared behind him, which he laid down upon with his arms behind his head. "What am I supposed to do then if I can't do things like that, hmm?"

"Try to find something else to do," Celestia suggested as she turned her back to Discord, facing the door. "Perhaps you could go out into the fields and enjoy nature, or fancy a stroll out in the garden. Or you could take up reading. I must get started on my duties, so I'll see you later."

She used her magic to open up the door, and left Discord in the barren room by himself. He huffed as he stretched himself out, laying his back over and bending it over the back of the couch while looking upside down toward the balcony.

"Enjoy nature, she says. Fancy a stroll out in the garden, she says. Take up reading, she says."

As he continued to look out into the open air, thoughts of Ponyville came rushing into his mind. Shortly after he was reformed, he spent a bit of time with each of the six ponies, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Oh, how such great friends they were together. How they could be so close...

And then, a thought came into his mind, and he smirked a toothy grin. It was a plan so sinister and devious, it would've been hilarious just to think about it. He stood from his seat and walked over to the balcony, looking out in the distance in the direction of Ponyville. Binoculars appeared in his hands before he looked into them.

Unlike ordinary binoculars, these ones allowed the draconequus to look through buildings and see what exactly ponies were doing. He focused his sights between Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy as he chuckled maniacally.

"Oh, Discord's going to have fun today! And what better way than to mess with the lives of the ponies down there?" he chuckled as he snapped his fingers once more, and a book appeared in his paw.

It looked just like any other book, but it was relatively thinner than most, not meant for a large collection of text. If a pony were to see it, they would guess it to be about only one hundred pages long. When Discord opened the book, the pages were blank. Not a single page had any text or illustrations in them.

"This is going to be perfect. Celestia said to take up reading. Well, I'm taking up writing instead, but with an added twist... whatever I write becomes real and true!"

He leaned back as a moderately-sized chair appeared behind him, to which he sat upon. A quill materialized in the air, as well as an ink bottle. Once the feather had been dipped inside, he hovered it above the first page of the book, only to keep it there for a few seconds.

"Wait, what am I going to write about? Let's look at them again, see what they're up to."

He peered through the glass of the binoculars once again, searching throughout Ponyville for any one of the six ponies again. The first one of the six her spotted was a familiar bouncing pink pony making her way toward Sweet Apple Acres.

"Oh, the ecstatic Pinkie Pie. Whatever could you be up to?" he asked himself as he focused his attention to the farm ahead. As he looked through the barn, he could see an orange mare with a stetson hat standing next to a table with many mugs on top. They seemed to be filled with some sort of brown liquid while foam topped each wooden cup.

"Cider, I'm guessing? Let me guess, they are going to get drunk off of cider." Then, an idea clicked in Discord's mind. "That's perfect. Get them drunk, then perhaps some sweet, sweet bonding."

He started to write, brushing the quill against the paper as he wrote out his story about the two earth pony mares. A floating screen emerged in front of the chaotic writer, displaying the events that were about to unfold.

It showed Pinkie Pie as she was bouncing along toward Sweet Apple Acres, her hoof waving at the other residents of Ponyville as she delivered a "Hi!" to each pony. As she was bouncing along, a small sprinkle of magic dust appeared in front of her eyes, which made her stop.

She blinked as she scrunched her snout, tilting her head in confusion. "What was that?"

She sniffed the air in front of her in curiousness. After coming to the conclusion that she was just seeing things, she just waved a hoof. "Probably nothing! Now onto Sweet Apple Acres!"

She continuously hopped her way towards her destination. Meanwhile, Discord was chuckling while writing down every single detail of his work. "Oh, you don't know how wrong you are, you little pink bundle of joy and happiness. With Discord, it's never nothing."

Inside the barn, the orange earth pony mare opened the large doors before stepping out into the heat of the sunlight. She removed her hat from her head with her right hoof, and fanned herself with it, letting out an exasperated breath.

"Whew, is it blazin' out here this morning!" Applejack declared as she looked up at the clear sky, not a cloud in sight. "Ah hope Pinkie gets here in a jiffy. Those cider mugs ain't gonna drink themselves, and we got a bet to settle."

She figured she might as well snack on an apple while she waited. She trotted over to an apple tree somewhere near the barn after she replaced her stetson. She turned around so that she faced away from the tree, and kicked out a single back hoof, which struck the tree with a mighty force.

While the tree's branches and leaves shook, a small amount of magic dust appeared in front of her eyes. She blinked her eyes as the odd phenomenon that just occurred before an apple dropped from the tree and onto her head, plopping onto the ground below.

"Woah, what the hay was that?" she questioned as she looked around for anything suspicious. She narrowed her eyes, expecting some unicorn to come out from behind another tree. She didn't hear nor see anypony around the immediate vicinity. She scratched her head in confusion at the thought, wondering if she was just seeing things.

"Well, wasn't that just weird. Ah could've sworn Ah saw something..."

She just shrugged it off as nothing as she faced the open gate for her pink friend. Discord, on the other hand, was enjoying himself already.

"Oh, Applejack. Always trying to make sense of things," he shook his head in disapproval before smirking deviously. "What fun is there in making sense? I know I say that a lot, but really. There's no real point of order without a little chaos, now is there? Even if this isn't so much as chaos as it is bending the characters of the story to your will."

As he said that, two small figures of Applejack and Pinkie Pie were being twisted, turned and bendt in front of him. "I don't mean this literally of course. That would make me the worst living being in Equestria, because they would just look weird, and I'd hate to have them end up in the hospital."

The rather disturbing thought occurred in Discord's mind before he quickly brushed it off and focused back on his writing.

Applejack chewed on the apple she bucked off the tree earlier as she waited, eager to get started on the bet she had proposed to Pinkie. Soon, she saw the hyperactive pink mare approach the entrance, her puffy magenta mane and tail bouncing up and down as well.

"Hiya, Applejack!" Pinkie greeted as she bounced through the entrance right up to the applebucking mare, an excited smile plastered on her face.

"Mornin' Pinkie Pie!" Applejack greeted back. "Ah take it you're ready to settle our bet? Ah've been waitin' for ya."

"You bet!" Pinkie answered as she threw her hooves up in the air with a giggle afterward. "I've been looking forward to this all day yesterday, all night last night, and all morning today!"

"Calm down now, sugarcube," reassured the cowpony as she turned towards the barn, taking another bite of her red delicious apple. "Ah got everything set up inside for us, so whenever you're ready..."

Before she could finish her sentence, Pinkie rushed inside. Applejack held onto her hat as the dust left in Pinkie's wake built up around the orange mare, making her cough a bit. "Woah, slow down there, girl! No need to be rushin'."

She made her way inside, where she already spotted Pinkie with a mug in her hoof, looking like she was going to down the drink in an instant. Before she could, Applejack pulled a rope out of nowhere and lassoed the mug out of Pinkie's hoof, swinging it over to herself and catching it in her own hoof.

"Hey, I was going to drink that!" Pinkie spat with disappointment.

"Oh, no ya don't. No cheating before the competition begins. This has to be a fair contest." Applejack started walking back to the table. "If y'all cheat, ya lose by default. Got it?"

"Yeah... so when do we start? I'm tempted to take on five of these right now!" Pinkie picked up yet another mug, but waited for Applejack's answer.

"Ah was gonna say in a few minutes, but right now wouldn't hurt, Ah suppose. Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom are out workin' the fields if ya haven't seen them comin' in. Ah already handled most of the work in the past two days, so it was time Ah got my well-deserved break."

"Sounds tough. Say, you don't mind one free drink before we start, do ya? I kinda want to get that starting zest of the cider before we get to the real thing." Pinkie grinned while staring into the mug full of the delicious apple cider.

"Sure, why not? Ah guess it wouldn't hurt none to take a little drink first."

Once Applejack nodded her head, both mares lifted their mugs to their muzzles and started to ingest the refreshing liquid. Things were just getting started between the two earth ponies, but to Discord who was watching through the magic window, this was going to get very, very interesting.

"Oh, you two don't know what you're really going to get into. But soon, you'll see. Now to make it happen!" He scribbled more into the book, already having filled up five whole pages, and starting to write on the sixth.

After downing the first drinks, Applejack and Pinkie let out exasperated breath, enjoying the delicious beverage. Pinkie licked her lips clean of the cider, finishing with with a satisfied "Mmm! This stuff is the best!"

"It's the Apple family's all-natural cider you're drinkin' there, pardner!" Applejack replied with a wink. "We make nothing but the best when it comes to makin' fresh apple cider."

"I'd bet on that! Speaking of bets, we ready to start now?"

"As long as you remember the terms of the bet. You do remember, don't ya?"

"Of course! If you outlast me, I'll have to help you out with chores here in Sweet Apple Acres. But, if I outlast you, you have to do the most random things I can think of for a week, and you can't refuse any one of those things!"

Suddenly, Discord stopped writing. "Did that just pop into my mind?"

He stared out into space for a moment, contemplating the use of words there. "I suppose it works for her. I mean, she is the hyperactive one, isn't she? And whatever she does is always random."

He tapped his chin in thought as he looked up at the bright morning sky, his claw brushing against his goatee. "Oh, whatever. When life gives them an interesting bet, make the bet even more interesting! Hmm..."

He sat there in thought as he continued staring at the two ponies standing before the table. "This is going to drag on a bit. Let's skip forward before this gets any more boring."

As soon as he snapped his fingers, what appeared on the screen started to speed up by twenty times the normal speed. One by one, Pinkie Pie and Applejack were gulping down mugs of cider as fast as Rainbow Dash could go while pulling off a Sonic Rainboom. It was quite a hilarious sight to see, Discord had to admit.

After about five minutes, or fifteen seconds to the draconequus, time returned to normal. By now, Applejack and Pinkie Pie had ingested about twenty cups of cider each, and were slurring about with dizzying steps. Pinkie was giggling for no reason, and Applejack was having trouble standing in one place.

"Whew... givin' up yet, Pinkie?" she managed to get out, though her voice slipped up a bit.

"Giving up? I'm just getting star..." Before she could finish, the pink mare suddenly bumped into Applejack, sending them both crashing down onto the barn floor.

_Now is where it gets real..._ Discord thought to himself as he kept forcefully scratching the tip of the quill against the paper.

When the orange mare regained her sense, even if only slightly, she noticed that Pinkie's body rested directly on top of her's. The pink mare was giggling and snorting from their unfortunate fall.

"That was fun! Can we do it again?' she asked, which caused Applejack to raise an eyebrow questionably.

"Aww, Pinkie... ya bumped into me. And you're kinda pinnin' me down."

After Pinkie opened her eyes, she looked straight into Applejack's, her green pupils glimmering from the light inside the barn. "Hey Applejack, did anypony ever tell you you had beautiful eyes?"

""Umm, no... why ya ask?"

Suddenly, she felt Pinkie's tongue lick against her snout, which made Applejack form a deep red blush on her cheeks. "Pinkie... what are ya doin'?"

The pink mare made a suggestive smirk, which caused Applejack to blink her eyes in confusion, having no idea what Pinkie was thinking. "Applejack, forget the bet. I wanna try something better than cider…"

She reached her head down, and her lips met Applejack's. At first, the orange mare's eyes widened in shock at the strange revelation that one of her best friends was kissing her, but after a few seconds, she started to sink into it. She closed her own eyes as she wrapped her arms around Pinkie's neck, the sounds of their spit-swapping filling the quiet air inside the barn.

For about thirty whole seconds, both earth pony mares kept up their everlasting lip locking, their conscious minds overlooking the fact that they were clearly under the influence of the alcoholic beverage. Their unconscious minds, however, were taken by the effects of the drink, leading them up to their passionate moment.

After a few more seconds, both of them broke for air, gasping at how good their romantic kissing felt. They even gave each other "that" look; the kind of look two ponies gave each other when they wanted to go further into their intense pleasures.

"You thinkin' what Ah'm thinkin'?" Applejack asked.

"Only if you're thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking."

"Oh, we're thinkin' the same thought, alright. Let's take this up a notch..."

They went straight back to kissing, their hooves trailing the other's body. They were feeling the deep pleasures of their act as their passionate moment grew even more intimate with each passing second. By this point, Discord was blushing at the sight before him. Even if he was causing this himself, he couldn't help but feel weirded out by this.

"Oh, they are some naughty ones, aren't they?" Discord chuckled to himself. "Almost makes me want to..."

His eyes widened when he found himself actually enjoying the actions, and not just seeing the sensual act itself. He could actually feel something odd in his nether regions, which deepened his blush further.

"Oh, no you don't. Discord is no pervert just because he's making two ponies mate out of their own control." He snapped his fingers, and the appendage disappeared back to where it was once hidden.

"Ok, maybe a bit of a pervert, but who cares? This is more fun than anything I've ever done since being reformed!" He sighed at a realization. "Though, it won't last that long once I get bored of this. Guess I'll just have to enjoy it while it lasts-"

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. Discord turned his head, giving it an alarmed expression. He didn't want anypony knowing what he was doing unless he wanted to be trapped in stone yet again with no chance of bail. As he quickly snapped his fingers, the magic window disappeared from view.

The door opened to reveal Princess Celestia, a genuine smile on her face. Discord had some mindless chaos to tend to. Couldn't he get a break? "Hello again, Celestia. What brings you by again?"

"I would like to ask if you would like to join Luna and I in breakfast before I start my royal duties for the day. You wouldn't mind, would you? You don't seem busy, so this should be a good start to your day."

_Oh, you don't really know what I'm doing, Princess._

Before he could answer, she spotted the book in his hand, gazing at it curiously. "Discord, what's that you have there?"

"Oh, this?" he asked as he lifted the small book in front of himself. "It's nothing, really. Just a romance novel I found among a shelf here. Nothing special. Quite sappy once you read about the characters' situations and see just how dreadful and horrible the whole concept of love is."

"I wouldn't take that to heart. Love is a very special thing that all ponies enjoy, and I'm sure the same can be applied to a draconequus." Celestia winked at Discord, who just stared oddly at her.

"Not a chance, Celestia. I would rather give up all of my chaos-wreaking powers and hand them over to Pinkie Pie than take a chance at romance." Discord crossed his arms, giving Celestia a serious look that confirmed his thoughts on the subject.

"Ooh..." she replied with a hint of understanding, much to her dismay. She already knew how troublesome Pinkie could be at times, what with her randomness and unpredictability. If she had Discord's god-like powers, she would be more terrified than when she faced off against Nightmare Moon. Equestria would be in ruins, and Celestia would just be frightened.

"Well, love is not for everypony. But to diverge away from an awkward conversation, please, join Luna and I for breakfast."

"Alright, as long as you keep Princess Uptight in check," he said with a raised brow, walking towards her.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure Luna stays calm. Just don't do anything to bother her." She turned for the door and stepped through the large frame, the chaos god following behind.

Back in Sweet Apple Acres, just as Applejack was about to slip her hoof down to Pinkie's most sensitive area, another small pair of magic dust appeared in front of both mares' eyes, and they both came back to their senses. They opened their eyes to look at each other, only to widen their eyes in shock and realization. Pinkie hopped about ten feet away from Applejack, who quickly covered her intimate area with her hat. They both stared at each other with shrunk pupils, blushing madly for what seemed like minutes when only a few seconds had passed.

"We speak of this to nopony?" Applejack asked.

"Nopony... nopony at all..." replied Pinkie.

Applejack kept staring at Pinkie for a little while longer until she proceeded to get up from the floor of the barn. She replaced her stetson back on top of her head as she sighed. Pinkie stepped closer once she figured the orange mare had felt better.

"So, can we do it again?"


End file.
